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Since I've done something for every holiday since last Hallowe'en, I'm penning something for Memorial Day, too. On a serious, non-cynical note, we should all take time to remember those who died serving this country. However you do it, take time to remember those who fought to preserve the freedoms all of us enjoy.
Memorial Day is a day to remember, so I thought I'd come up with a handy list of things to keep in mind this holiday week.
Remember, Jesus loves you, especially if Jesus is personified in a Catholic priest and you happen to be a young boy.
Remember, Bill Gates didn't do anything wrong. Tying middleware to the Windows source code, strong-arming PC manufacturers, and monopolizing the office productivity market were all perfectly legal. He's going to get away with most of it, too.
Remember, Yasser Arafat won a goddamn Nobel Prize. If that's not the biggest, cruelest joke of the last few years, I don't know what is. The man is a thug, a terrorist, and a despicable pupper of more despicable Muslim regimes, and the only way he knows to try and make his points is the murder of innocent civilians. It's a shame the worldwide media loves nothing better than to fellate him every chance they get.
Remember, we Americans really do live in the best damn country in the world. Moral relativists will try to tell you otherwise, but don't be dissuaded by their chorus of "Yes, but"s and general festering bullshit. We haven't always been angels, but we're a lot better than anyone else, and it's time we started realizing it.
Remember, Big Brother really IS watching, and will keep watching as long as John Ashcroft remains Attorney General. From the unconscionable Patriot Act to his virtual revival of the Sedition Act, Ashcroft has shown himself to be a freedom-trampling mongoloid at every turn. President Bush could cut him loose; he doesn't need the support of the religious Right (whose favor Ashcroft's appointment curried) anymore, considering his popularity since September 11th. I've said it before, and I will say it here again: as much as I like the job Bush has done so far, I will not vote to re-elect him in 2004 unless he replaces Ashcroft as Attorney General. The man is a pariah for the whole administration. In worse times, he'd be a scapegoat. In these good times, he's the red-headed stepchild who should be sent away instead of ignored.
Remember, groups like the RIAA and companies like Disney would like nothing better than to squash all of your rights relating to digital media. It's been obvious since the beginning of the Napster boom that copyright law needs to be re-examined in this digital age. The RIAA et al would like to continue to wield copyright like a sledgehammer, and use the DMCA and the CBDTPA to stifle technology and innovation. Leave it a bunch of millionaire fatcats to line the right pockets on Capitol Hill and try to legislate their way out of a problem, instead of actually earning their farcical salaries by thinking of a solution.
Remember, baseball players are threatening another strike.
Remember, thousands upon thousands of baseball fans will swear off the sport for life if a strike does happen, then go crawling back like chastised schoolgirls if their team is playing well or if someone is chasing a personal milestone. I'm a sports fan myself, but damn, we're a hypocritical lot, and way too willing to forgive mortal sins.
Remember, George Lucas isn't in it for the money, and is really just an independent filmmaker trying to make it big in Hollywood.
Remember¸ Spider-Man is better than Attack of the Clones. Maybe those big studios know something after all . . .
Remember, Usama bin Laden is probably still alive, and there are a whole lot of American servicemen who are very pissed off about that. Don't tread on me, you extremist, wacko, camel-sniffing bastard.
Remember, scarf down some burgers, toss back a few cold ones, and set off some fireworks. This IS the best country in the world, and what better way to celebrate that than by gorging ourselves, getting drunk, and blowing shit up? I love this country.
27 May 2002